Please…Don’t Go

10/24/2019 by Terri Onorato

I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I’ve been where you are…young, confused and feeling completely alone. The life that you’d hoped for is not the life you have and you believe your only option in ending the pain is to end your life.  I’m here to tell you there is another option. To live.  Against all odds and all the crap, the option is to live.

I get it, it feels like you’ve been fighting your whole life.  Fighting against the pain of bullies, peer pressure, anxiety, the desire to fit in and most of all the desire to be yourself and be accepted for who you are.

It doesn’t matter your age;,your pain is real. You’ve been fighting demons and commanding battles between your heart and head for as long as you can remember.  You are weary, angry and fed up. As a young person, the years ahead must look like they too will be filled with pain, so you wonder what the point is. Why keep pushing ahead if you’re going to feel this way for the rest of your life?

Remember what I said a moment ago? I’ve been where you are and I am here to tell you that things can get better. Sounds like empty words, right? A simple promise with no meaning behind it because how could I possibly know that things can get better for you?  Good question, because when I was going through my own hell at home as well as elementary, junior high and high school I didn’t know what would be good for me in the future either.  I realize now that I didn’t need to know how things were going to get better, I just needed to believe that they would.

You have a spark that is desperately needed. If you leave, this world will miss out on what only you and you alone has to offer. You see, everything we do has a ripple effect. The smallest act can create repercussions long after the ripples fade. This means that every time you do something kind and loving, creative and beautiful, it has an affect far beyond your sight. If this world loses your love and goodness, your creative spirit and individuality, then we are missing out on something extraordinarily important and necessary.  You.

It hurts, I know. Life is hard. It is at times painful, messy, grossly unfair and earth-shattering. But then there are times when it is beautiful, sweet, exciting and fun. These are the things you have to look for.  You have to seek them out and pull them to you so you don’t lose sight of them.  Stop rolling your eyes, I am not trying to fill you with platitudes and a false sense of hope.  What I’m telling you is that true hope exists. Not “out there” but inside of you.

Every single thing you are going through is temporary. Now wait, before you get pissed at me, think about it.  Things (circumstances, people) change constantly.  We are energy in motion so we can’t stay the same. Are you the same person today that you were a few years ago?  Everything changes and that means your current circumstances will too.

How you look at your life, your circumstances and yourself helps determine how you handle your situations.  First of all, please do everything you can to get help for whatever is going on in your life. You are worth it. Take a leap of faith and trust someone. Follow your instincts, they will guide you in finding someone who can help you but more than anything else have faith in yourself.  Do not listen to the negative self-talk, do not listen to those who are trying to hurt you, they don’t know anything about the real you, the you that is beautiful and creative, kind and generous. Hell, you may not even know these things about yourself yet but I think if you look deep enough you’ll find it.

Will staying be easy?  Nope.  It will be a royal, painful bitch at times. Will it be worth it?  It will.  Every single time you overcome an obstacle, you will grow and become wiser. Let your imagination and curiosity about your future propel you forward.  In the end the decision is yours. I hope you will reconsider the choice to leave and instead get help, take care of yourself body and soul and see what happens next.  Give life a chance.

I may never meet you but I am rooting for you.  Please…don’t go. The world needs you.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 24/7

MY3 is an app you can download for free to keep track of your warning signs, coping strategies, and the people you can reach out to for help

The Trevor Project 1-866-488-7386 (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/) – The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services LGBTQ young people under 25.