Aging ain't for sissies. Neither is chronic pain.

Posts tagged ‘shopping’

If You’re Easily Bored, Don’t Read This

Sometimes nothing exciting happens but I want to write about it anyway.  Don’t ask me why as there is no method to my madness.

Fred didn’t have to work yesterday so we went shopping.  We did more window shopping than anything but it still counts as shopping as far as I’m concerned.  Being that my snow boots went belly up I needed a new pair and Fred needed new work boots.  Like I said, nothing exciting.

First we went to the mall.  It’s been so long since we’d been to the mall that it’s been totally renovated since the last time we visited.  The first thing I noticed is that most of the stores are high-end stores now.  Way out of my league considering that a person needs maximum moola to shop in them.  I was still able to find a kick-butt deal on snow boots so all was not lost.  I’ll be able to trudge through the 12 to 18 inches of snow we’re expecting this weekend without my toes freezing off.

I’ve wanted to find a pair of small diamond stud earrings so we decided to look in the jewelry store.  Apparently I live under a rock.  I had no idea just how expensive diamond studs are.  The salesman showed me a pair of tiny studs for over $2000.  I thought I was going to have to change my pants.  I played it well though and pretended like it was chump change.  I told him I was doing some comparison shopping (which I was) and got the hell out of Dodge.  I have to wonder if he wasn’t on to me what with the profuse sweating and all.

We looked at several other places but the cost was so far out of our range that it gave me indigestion.  I’ll figure out an alternative plan some other time.

After lunch we headed for the grocery store.  As I mentioned we are expecting a big winter storm.  From the sound of things it’s going to get ugly.  Of course this means there was no bread at the store.  There were, however, other important staples one might need to tide oneself over during a snowstorm…popcorn, ice cream, coffee and copious amounts of chocolate.

Snow events around here tend to leave us feeling a bit isolated on our street.  We live in a small town and there is no snow plow.  When we first moved here I witnessed a guy on a back hoe plowing Main Street.  Seriously.  We are usually snowed in until the county decides that maybe those of us on the hill might actually still be alive and need to get out.  My husband and neighbor use the plows on our ATVs to plow as much of the road on our part of the hill as they can.  It’s a win-win situation – they get to play in the snow and we can get out of our driveways.  Of course we can’t get far because the rest of the road leading into town is impassable but it’s the thought that counts.

There is also the issue of digging out the back yard so the dogs can do their business.  I told Fred that I was not shoveling this time like I did during our last big storm.  Instead he can bring our ATV (which we affectionately call Brutus) to the back yard and plow out areas for the pups.  Otherwise our whippet Flurry, who has white hair on her legs and back, will fall in the snow and we won’t see her until spring.

Flurry - my little snow bunny

Anyway, I digress.  All in all it was a good day, minus the call I had to make to our new mail-in drug prescription company.  More on that another day.

So if after reading this you are still awake, I commend you.  You are truly a glutton for punishment but I appreciate you.  Now it’s time for me to finish preparations for our big snow event and milk the cows on my Farmville game on Facebook.  Good times.

Pass the Gravy and the Sale Ads

It’s hard to believe that tomorrow is Thanksgiving; a day to give thanks, enjoy time with dysfunctional family and friends, unbutton the top button on your jeans, eat until you’re sick and then decide if you’re going to get up at 3am or 4am to hit those Black Friday sales.

I did a little research on Black Friday and found some interesting tidbits.  The term Black Friday, used in relation to the shopping season that begins the day after Thanksgiving, dates back to at least 1966.  So, what did they call the “day after Thanksgiving” before 1966?  Oh wait, I know!  They called it the day after Thanksgiving.

In January 1966 Black Friday was the name which the Philadelphia Police Department gave to the Friday following Thanksgiving Day because of heavy traffic. Heavy traffic is a gross understatement.  It’s been said that there are people who, on Black Friday, have sat in a line of traffic for so long that when they come out on the other side they are hit with the heartbreaking news that all of their computer electronics have become obsolete.

And parking, OMG.  Take 450,000 tired, aggravated people, put blinders on them and turn em loose in the mall parking lot.  There will be much groaning and gnashing of teeth.

Inside, the store is a world all its own.  It’s like the running of the bulls in Spain.  If you are not completely encased in body armor and sporting a light saber you may never get out alive.

Once you get past the mannequins with their perfect boobs and glassy eyes, it is almost impossible to find a shopping cart.  You realize maybe it’s better that way when you witness crazed shoppers throughout the store crashing into each other with alarming ferocity. 

Perhaps you go into a store on Black Friday needing only one item.  You convince yourself you can get in, grab the item and get back out with minimal bodily harm.  (Let me know how that works out for you.)

All you need is a gift for Aunt Mary who has expressed great enthusiasm for a bright, snug-fitting orange sweater delicately adorned with purple sequins, peacock feathers and a frilly yellow collar.  From across the crowded store you see it.  (How could you miss it?) There is one left and it’s yours!!  You run as fast as you can to the rack that’s holding this one-of-a-kind knitted masterpiece, slide to a stop, and without taking a breath reach for it; the anticipation more than you can bear.

Without warning you are blindsided by the thud of a shopping cart hitting you in the ass.  You look up from the floor at a crazed shopping psychopath who rips the sweater off the hanger and then, in her quest for the next big ticket item, runs over your foot with the cart.  Stunned and dazed you can’t decide if it’s time to go home or to the nearest bar.  Instead you get up, walk over to the cologne counter and get a Jean Nate’ gift basket for Aunt Mary.  She damn well better appreciate it.

To all you Black Friday shoppers…enjoy Thanksgiving.  May your family behave, may the turkey not explode in the deep fryer because you dropped it in fully frozen (even though you were warned about this by your neighbor who is recovering from his own 2nd degree burns) and may the wine and gravy flow abundantly.  May you have a blessed, peaceful day because Friday baby, all hell breaks loose.

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