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We ARE Enough

I recently finished reading a James Rubart novel titled The Long Journey to Jake Palmer. One of the primary messages I took from this story is that when it comes to certain people in our lives we will never be enough. Thankfully the good news is we don‘t need to be. Because the truth is we are always enough. Always.

We may have spent better part of our lives being told in one way or another that we are not enough. Perhaps it came from our parents or our siblings, friends, bullies, coworkers, spouses or significant others. They said we are not worth it but they were wrong. Why? Because those opinions belong to them, not to us. We can’t own those opinions if we make the choice not to. We know our own truth.


I don’t know about you but I’ve offered a lot of my time to worrying about what other people think of me. So I adjusted, changed and altered who I am for no other reason than to improve their opinion of me. It was a futile effort because it never worked. I was never going to be enough for them. And you know what? It’s okay because I AM enough and so are you.

For those who think poorly of me or consider me weak or too sensitive, they are people who didn’t understand me and quite frankly I don’t think they want to because they have other agendas. A sensitive person is an easy target for those who have low to no self-esteem. What better way to build yourself up than to beat down on someone who’s not interested in fighting back? Someone who just wants to keep the peace? Other people’s opinions of us are often based on how they really feel about themselves but don’t want to admit it. It’s easier to reflect their crap onto someone else then they don’t have to be responsible for themselves. We were not created to be someone else’s mirror.


At the end of the day opinions are just that, opinions. They are not our truth. They are a judgment based on any number of things. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be well thought of but when the opinions of others alter how we feel about ourselves, especially when we know those opinions are wrong, it’s problematic. It can be very self destructive because we sacrifice being who we really are in order to be what someone else wants and that just doesn’t fly. We were made to be us and we are important.


We need to give ourselves permission to be who we are regardless of what other people think. In turn we have to allow other people the same freedom, to be who they are whether we like it or not because ultimately we are all on our own journey. We matter and we are enough! We’ve always been enough. Now is the time to believe it. Trying to live up to other people’s opinions will not fulfill us. It will only leave us empty.

I think the best way to end this is with words spoken to Jake Palmer as the realization hits that he IS indeed enough.

“What would life look like if you could accept yourself, Jake? What would it look like if you realized the fault of your growing up was not yours, but parents who were just children themselves? Parents who tried but simply did not know how to love you because of their own brokenness? What if you realized you are worth being loved not for what you look like, or how powerful your body is, or what you’ve accomplished, but simply because you are?” 


(Excerpt from “The Long Journey To Jake Palmer” by James L. Rubart. Thomas Nelson publisher. All Rights Reserved.)


Spirit of God

The Holy Spirit is the energy sent by God.” (unknown)

I love this saying. It makes sense to me. Everything and everyone is made up of energy so it only makes sense that God would send the Holy Spirit to us in the form of energy – something we can all relate to on a deep scale.


I don’t want to delve into the world of science but the study of quantum physics indicates that what we perceive of as our material world, our physical world, isn’t really material or physical at all. As a matter of fact nothing could be further from the truth. As Nikola Tesla put it so well, “If you want to know the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

Seems to me this works with God, the Divine, as well…if you want to know God then think in terms of energy. God is love and love is energy, not matter. Love is action, love is doing, and love is the energy of movement. Love is God.

Have you ever walked into a room and noticed the energy? It can draw you in or push you right back out the door again. I think most of us have been around a person we enjoy immensely because their energy brings us up. We are drawn to them. Or perhaps it’s the other way around – their energy is heavy and drags us down, leaving us with an intense urge to escape. Either way, we’ve walked into their energy field and we can feel it. It affects us. It changes the situation at hand in an instant.


In order for God to reach us, to show us he is near, he requires a way to communicate with us his love, his energy, in a way we can all tap into. An energy that will draw us in, not push us away. Since we all communicate with energy, whether we realize it or not, what better way to reach us than through movement of his energy, his love?

God manifests his love through a flow of energy – billowing in and out and around our own energy at all times. This flow of God’s energy, of his love, is what we call the Holy Spirit. It is never not there. It does not wax and wane or come and go…it always is.

So what does all this mean? For me it means we are never alone. Even in our loneliest times, during our most painful experiences, we are surrounded by God’s energy of movement, his love. It means that answers we need are as close as a moment in time. A quiet moment tucked in between the louder, every day noises of our lives. A moment when we stop and listen to the almost imperceptible flutter that is left in the wake of the Holy Spirit as it surrounds us in a never ending flow of God’s love.

All we have to do is be still and be open. We need not be afraid of silence. It’s where we hear God. It’s where his energy flows around us in a torrent of love and acceptance. It’s where his energy of movement, his love, can be found when we need it the most.


Don’t Be So Negative

When Eckhart Tolle was asked how one could drop negativity, he responded, “By dropping it.”

We hear quite regularly these days to let go of the negative and we will be happier. If we stop all negative thoughts our lives will be more pleasant and peaceful. The internet is saturated with articles (not to mention memes) touting the power of positive thinking and how we need to eliminate all negativity from our lives.

I do not disagree that we need to be diligent about how much negativity we allow in our lives but I think we also have to be a little more realistic.

I fully believe that what we put out to the universe comes back to us. If we are putting out negative vibes we are going to get back the same (the law of attraction.)  But sometimes we are forced to deal with negative issues.  This doesn’t mean we are negative people but it does mean that for a moment in time there is negativity in our lives and it must be dealt with regardless.  If we ignore a problem because we are convinced the negativity it might bring to our lives will bring us down or not go away then we are burying our heads in the sand.  The problem will remain until addressed.  What we resist, persists.


We can’t avoid every negative aspect of life. There seems to be a growing mindset that this is exactly what we should do. It goes hand in hand with the idea that we need to ignore, or better yet suffocate, our dark side. It’s a fact of life that we all have a dark side. Even the Great Masters and avatars had to contend with their dark side before they became enlightened.


At the end of the day we have to take care of our business including the negative aspects of it. We do not have to dwell on the negativity nor feed it but we can’t ignore it exists within the problems we are facing.  Once dealt with we work to move forward even if it’s at a crawl.

All actions including negative ones have consequences and the residual effects are something we may have to contend with for a long time but how we approach it will govern whether we wallow in it or overcome it.  Not everything that rises out of the ashes of something negative is bad.  Many of life’s most profound lessons are found in the dark.


Lessons Learned By an Empath

Living as an empath has its challenges.  Being highly sensitive to the energy of everything around me – people, animals, my environment indoors and out, Mother Earth and the effects of solar activity to name a few – presents many opportunities to learn about myself.

The first thing I’ve had to learn is discerning which emotions and feelings belong to me and which don’t.  It is not out of the ordinary for me to suddenly become overwhelmed with intense emotional pain whose origin is a mystery to me.  I know instinctively these are not my feelings but I can’t place where they are coming from.  Most often this is followed by deep, wrenching sobs that come from an inexplicable need to release pain that is not mine.


Next on the list of lessons for this empath has been to be very careful who I let know I can feel their pain (angst, anger, physical ailments etc.)  Not everyone is keen on finding out there is someone who knows how they are feeling…not just knows mind you, but actually can feel what they are feeling, emotionally and physically.  It can turn some people off right quick and then they disappear which I understand.  I’ve had to take a step back so when I get a vibe or I sense something about someone I don’t just come out and say it – I am more apt now to simply touch base with them and ask how they are doing.  If people want to talk, they will.  It is not my place to make their pain my business just because I can feel it – if they choose to confide in me I will never abuse that privilege.


Next lesson – some people DO want to talk.  And talk and talk and talk, having no idea they are subconsciously pulling in my good energy and giving back to me their negative energy.  It can be very draining.  It’s most obvious when someone says to me, “I feel so much better talking to you!” but I feel worse – drained and heavy.  Just recently I called to check in with someone and an hour and a half later they admitted (a bit sheepishly) they love hearing my voice but it’s a shame they don’t get to hear it much because they do all the talking.  They said they find themselves telling me things they don’t share with anyone else.  All I could do was laugh and tell them I get that a lot.

This next lesson is simple…I know when people lie.  Period.


Also…I know things I shouldn’t know.  I often know things that are going to happen before they happen.  I have no idea how I know or why, I just know.  Ask my wonderful husband who is finally getting used to it, bless his ever patient heart.  (PS and by the way, I cannot pick winning lottery numbers or tell you what stocks will be hot in the future.  Just sayin’.)

Not to be left out…I am not special because I’m an empath.  It is not a gift, it is simply part of who I am.  I should not, nor do I want to be, treated differently.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn, and admittedly haven’t learned well yet, is that setting boundaries is an absolute must.  I’ve been in burn out mode for a long time without knowing why.  Now that I’m aware it’s because I absorb the energy around me – from people I know and don’t know, from the earth, animals as well as being affected by other types of energy – it’s my responsibility to take care of myself no matter who it pisses off.  If I choose to be by myself, which I love to do, it’s so I can recharge.  That’s all.


Another hard lesson is that I can’t save everyone from feeling pain.  I used to want to until I realized that if I could take away a person’s pain I might also be taking away from them an important life lesson they need to learn.  This would accomplish nothing positive for them and in turn would suck my soul dry.

I no longer watch the news or violent movies/TV shows.  I absorb too much of it, even the make believe stuff.  I can already feel so much, adding to it does me no good.  I’m much better off now that I avoid this type of exposure.  Oddly though, I enjoy the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit series of movies.


I want to briefly say something to the parents and caregivers of sensitive children, children who seem older than their years.  Give them a break.  Don’t try to mold them into something that makes you more comfortable for you will only make their life harder.  There is more help available now for the parents and caregivers of empathic children than ever before.

I think one thing I most appreciate that I’ve learned is I am not alone.  There are MANY empaths out there.  We are waking up and finally beginning to understand we are not “crazy”, “overly sensitive”,   “temperamental” or any other such nonsense.   We are not weird and we are not freaks.  Also, please stop rolling your eyes at us.  Most of us are getting to the point (finally!) where we don’t care if you believe whether or not empaths are real.  We know we are.  We are the real deal and we are bad ass.


My Life As An Empath

It has taken me a long time to figure out what my abilities are and a short time to realize that most people don’t believe it.  It’s one of those things a person carries alone, except for the quiet souls who believe because they too have these abilities.  Being an empath is a fantastic way to experience life but it is also very exhausting.

Let me briefly get something out of the way here regarding what an empath actually is.  It is best described in an article by  The Mind Unleashed– “Being an empath is when you are affected by other people’s energies, and have an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others.  Your life is unconsciously influenced by others’ desires, wishes, thoughts, and moods.  Being an empath is much more than being highly sensitive and it’s not just limited to emotions.  Empaths can perceive physical sensitivities and spiritual urges, as well as just knowing the motivations and intentions of other people.  You either are an empath or you aren’t.”

Many empaths experience issues such as chronic fatigue, environmental sensitivities, or unexplained aches and pains daily. These are all things that are more likely to be contributed to outside influences and not so much themselves.


Being able to read people, to know what they are feeling or when they are lying or holding back, is a double-edged sword.  On the one hand the truth is not hidden.  I know what I know.  On the other hand, I can’t (or more accurately won’t) always call someone out when they are lying so I have to keep it in.  This might not seem like a big deal to most but it’s like putting bubble gum in the hole of a leaking dam and hoping the millions and millions of gallons of water behind it stay put.


Having empathic abilities means feeling what other people (and animals and plants and the earth) feels emotionally, psychologically and physically.  I’ve had these experiences my whole life but had no idea what they meant or why I had them in the first place.  I thought I was too sensitive.  That’s what I was told.  It turns out there is no such thing as too sensitive.  It’s just an opinion of those who know little about sensitivities.

Empaths tend to be sponges…we absorb the feelings, emotions and physical issues of those around us.  Our nervous system is constantly on overdrive, picking up every vibe and feeling that is carried by those around us.  We look at people and know what they are feeling, if they are lying, what they are experiencing.  It’s not mind reading, it’s knowing.  Most empaths, myself included, spend the better part of their lives thinking they are crazy or overly sensitive or whatever you want to label it until the day comes when they discover who they truly are.

There is so much more to being an empath than what I’ve described here but I figure if people truly want to know what it is and what it means they can research just as easily as I can.


It’s a shame we live in a society where things that are considered different are so easily dismissed. There was a time in the history of our world where we didn’t have anything but our intuition to go on.  We trusted our gut and were in tune to each other in ways that have long since been abandoned.  Trusting our intuition has been replaced with info garnered from Google and Wikipedia.

I’m not particularly fond of labeling but knowing that I am an empath has changed how I look at myself.  It explains so much about me and how I’ve lived my life.  It’s allowed me to stop beating myself up by thinking there is something weak in my character and something wrong with me.  I see now that my sensitive side is not something to be ashamed of – it’s my way of life.  It’s something I can’t help and wouldn’t if I could.  It’s my strength.


Who Am I?

At the age of 54 I look in the mirror and ask….how did I get to this point in my life? What am I going to do with the time I have left? Who am I?

There were a lot of paths taken that got me to where I am today. Some were the paths less traveled and others were beaten down by the footsteps of many. There were rocky paths, rigid and dangerous. Others were paved smooth and straight. One thing all these paths have in common is that the destination of each was unknown from the first step. Every path I took was a gamble. Some paid off and some didn’t.


I look in the mirror and see eyes I don’t recognize. They belong to someone older don’t they? I don’t feel like a mature 54 year old woman should feel. I still feel like an awkward, insecure, tortured teenager who doesn’t have a clue yet the mirror shows a woman with lines that run deep in places where a lifetime of worry is most apparent.

I look at my hands. Wasn’t it just yesterday they were young and pretty? Now they are getting a bit ragged and worn, perhaps from being clenched far too often. The underside tells another story though as my palms are smooth and good for holding hands and petting puppies.


What will I do with whatever time I have left? Staying on this path doesn’t seem quite right for it has become as worn as my hands. I‘m not sure which path I will take (or be forced to take) next. I think if I were to die today it would all feel far too unfinished. The problem is I don’t know what the finish line is supposed to look like.

So…who am I really? I am covered with a lot of labels, some good and others not so much. A portion of the labels were self designated and some were given by people in my life. There are some that are accurate and some that aren‘t. But labels don’t make me who I am which leads me to ask yet again…who am I? Maybe there is no concrete answer. Perhaps I am a culmination of everything I’ve ever done, seen, heard, felt and believed along with everything I‘ve ever missed, neglected, torn down or left behind.


I may never know who I really am until I step out of this earthly body someday. Perhaps the not knowing will push me to be better than I am now. Maybe it’s always pushed me and I didn’t realize it. I am a person who desires answers to everything. (I can be quite annoying in this respect.) I ponder just about everything from the origins of, well, everything to why things happen the way they do, when they do, how they do etc. Maybe in searching for answers I’ve overlooked the value of not knowing, for it would appear it’s the not knowing that propels me forward. Something else for me to ponder.

Who I was, who I am and who I will become are different. Yet all of the “I’s” are me now and forever. I don’t think it can get more unexplainable (I told you I can be annoying with this stuff) so maybe it’s best I leave it to the wide world of the unknown.

For now.


When I Die…

When I Die

When I die do not talk of heaven and forgiveness and redemption. Release me to the cosmos. It is where I belong and where my heart yearns to be. Let me stand on the edge of the galaxy and inhale the splendor that only a creator undistorted by human beings could create.” ~ (Terri Onorato)


If I think too hard about the vastness of the universe it’s overwhelming. When I add to the fact that there are countless galaxies beyond ours and countless more beyond that I fear my brain will explode. A positive side effect of pondering such things is it brings into perspective just how big creation really is. It also makes the god that I learned about in years past appear much smaller and less loving.

God…sigh…who has been so painfully distorted by humans as to become unrecognizable. The truth of this creator long-ago buried between the lines of a book written by humans and reinterpreted ad nauseam by anyone who did not like what they read. A god of rules and regulations and the threat of hell. A god I do not recognize.


To live life under the threat of going to a very bad place when we die is not living at all. We were given life so that we may live and a conscience so that we may live well. Love and hell cannot go hand-in-hand.

Do not call me a sinner. I am a flawed human being with a flawless but imprisoned soul. I do the right thing and I make mistakes. I possess a good side and a dark side. My ego gets the best of me one moment and I feel humbled and unworthy the next. I am all this and more all at once. I am who I was created to be. My choices are a by product not a definition of who I am.

People speak wistfully of meeting their maker upon death. But we meet the creator of all that is every day in every nuance of nature and every person with which we interact. To wait for death for such a meeting is to completely miss the point of being alive.

Contrary to what our ego insists, we no more understand who created us than we do the true depth of the universe or life in the darkest, most inaccessible recesses of the ocean. Our concept of God has been wrapped up in a neat, often legalistic little package adorned in judgement and placed within the pages of a book that no one can agree on.

I will take my chances with the creator I see in the stars and hear in the wind. The creator I meet in the eyes of an old woman and feel in the heartbeat of a sleeping dog. The creator who makes my heart ache and makes it burst as well.

When I die do not talk of heaven and forgiveness and redemption. Release me to the cosmos. It is where I belong and where my heart yearns to be. Let me stand on the edge of the galaxy and step off, taking my chances on the one I know will catch me.



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