My 2022 Year In Review

2022 Year in Review

As I approach my 62^nd year, I am thinking of things I’ve learned over the past 365 days.  It’s what we do, right?  We reflect.  So, what has touched my soul?  What has hurt my heart?  What lessons have brought me closer to being my authentic self?  (And for the love of all that’s holy, how do I change the notification sounds on my phone?)

My soul has been touched by what felt like the near loss of it. A dark night of the soul as it’s often called, has helped me appreciate those tender gifts of mercy and grace when I’m given a glimpse of the depth of faith that I carry within. My faith has sustained me practically my entire life. It does not fall inside party lines, religious lines, or any other lines. It is a conglomeration of so many facets of Mother and Father, Son and Magdalene and columns of saints galore.  It encompasses the earth and her many creatures.  My faith embraces friendships, relationships, and hardships. It is everything all the time.

This faith is my own, it sustains me and I grow from it every day.  It doesn’t matter if anyone else approves, it works for my soul.  My heart and soul are devoted to the most divine force and all that branches out from it.  I have a devotion to the Blessed Mother and Mary Magdalene.  I am a firm believer that the dead are ready and willing to walk this road of life with us if we would only pay attention.

My heart has been hurt by the reluctant acceptance that I am too much for some, and not enough for others.  I am keenly sensitive and have the ability to tap into what others feel and it is not always welcome.  I know things that I don’t know how I know, and for some people it’s too much.  I have a chronic condition that prevents me from doing many things and for some people, that’s not enough. 

I discovered that my people-pleasing-problem stems, in part, from trying to be enough for some and less than enough for others. It’s a futile effort, I tell you, and a waste of time.  I can’t be authentic if I’m altering parts of myself to suit anyone else.  This is a lesson in progress.

I am beginning to feel the shift of growing older.  What do I want to keep and what do I want to relinquish?  What matters most?

I long ago learned that in certain things, I am consistently inconsistent.  In case you haven’t noticed, my blog entries alone are proof of that. 

Oh, as for those pesky notification sounds, I actually did figure them out and now I have Guns N’ Roses filling the airwaves whenever I get a phone call.  Welcome to the jungle baby…

One of the things I want to do this coming year is participate more in my own blog.  Seems simple but for some reason, it easily slips my mind.  A beautiful friend gifted me a lovely journal that I’m going to use to help me stay focused and also give me room to remember to jot down what I would otherwise forget I want to talk about.  (Did you get all that?)

Everyone has something to share, bits and nuggets of wisdom, humor and reflection.  Perhaps I will go on a sort of wisdom scavenger hunt, not only within but “out there” too, and see what I can bring back here.

Stay tuned.

May the upcoming year be one that nourishes us all.

What’s My Purpose?

(5/5/2020 by Terri Onorato)

As we slowly emerge from the isolation brought on by covid-19, we stretch our emotional muscles, peek around the corner and squint our eyes at the changes in the world in which we reside.  I doubt there is anyone who hasn’t been altered in some way because of the effects of coronavirus.

For many, their entire outlook on life has changed.  I would venture to guess there are innumerable people now questioning not only how they want to move forward but also what their purpose is in this lifetime.

We all have purpose, no matter what our situation is. For the longest time we followed the status quo and thought that by doing so we were living the good life, the American dream. It seems the American dream has changed dramatically and many of us have as well. Maybe now we’re starting to see that the good life doesn’t involve more stuff, more prestige or more recognition.  Maybe it involves more purpose.

Personally, for many years I struggled to define my purpose. I believed that my purpose was singular, that one big thing I needed to do in my lifetime. This line of thinking lead me to feel I was a failure because I hadn’t achieved my purpose.  I’ve had a lot of time to ponder this and I realize I was off track in my thinking. I’ve discovered I have a multitude of purposes, as do we all. I think our purpose changes depending on where we are in our lives, what our circumstances are and what is needed.

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion.
  Your passion will lead you right into your purpose.”
(Bishop T.D. Jakes)

I don’t know if there’s been a more pivotal moment in our own personal histories than there is right now. We have the opportunity to emerge from our cocoons with a clearer picture of who we are and who we want to be going forward.  And if you are not sure yet, listen closely to what makes your heart sing, what excites you and feels right to you. That is the beacon illuminating your purpose, showing you the way.

Change can be daunting, but look at what we have been through in just the past few months!  It has truly been unprecedented.  Now is the time to follow your instincts, trust your gut and alter the course as you see fit.   It’s a scary prospect that requires nothing less than a heavy dose of courage but if we have accumulated anything during this quarantine, it’s been courage.  (And for some of us a slightly larger waistline.)

“You cannot swim for new horizons until
you have courage to lose sight of the shore.”
(William Faulkner)

Be kind to yourself and others. The path we walk is not an easy one but it is important and it has purpose.

They Want To Be Heard

8/06/2019 by Terri Onorato

About a month ago I met a young woman, early twenties I would guess, during an appointment. At first she was occupied with her work and didn’t have a lot to say.  At one point I saw her eyes fall on my tattoo. I felt a shift when she quietly asked me if I was interested in spirituality. When I told her yes she began to tell me about herself and her spiritual journey, a journey that is opening her up to a life other than the one she’s always known but also one where she is struggling to find support and answers.

I could feel where her heart was and how much she wanted to know more.  She asked me a lot of questions and absorbed what I told her.  She seemed relieved by the things I shared with her and appreciated that I listened and took her seriously.  It was a unique experience and we both agreed we were meant to meet that day.

I saw this same young lady again a few days ago.   About a month had gone by since our last encounter.  At first she was busy looking at a computer screen and didn’t realize who I was. I watched her for a few moments and saw recognition cross her face when she looked at my tattoo.  I had thought about her often in the month since I’d last seen her and we picked up our conversation as if no time had passed.  Even though we don’t know each other and are about as different as two people can be, our conversation was one of kindred souls, private and spiritual. I listened while she talked and she listened as I answered her questions.  Much like the first time we met, the words I spoke seemed to originate from somewhere outside of me as they often do during spiritual type conversations.  There was an urgency within me, an urgency that indicated to me that she needed to hear what I was saying.

We talked as much as we could in a short period of time and when we were finished she hugged me and said she was glad we’d seen each other again.  I came away from both these encounters knowing something special had happened and that it was by no means accidental that we crossed paths.

My time with her showed me how much young people want to be heard not only by their peers but the adults in their lives – even adults they don’t know but might inexplicably feel drawn to.  They don’t want their thoughts and feelings to be dismissed because they are young.  They don’t want to be blown off as if what they have to say is somehow less valid simply because they are considered not old enough to have such conversations.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” ― Ralph G. Nichols

When we get the chance to really hear what young people have to say, we should do so.  It is an extraordinary opportunity.  There is so much we have to teach each other.  Just because we are older and have more life experience doesn’t mean we have all the answers, but we might have enough to help them.  In return, young people can teach us a great deal about life and how to look at it differently.

We have to take the time to listen, truly listen.  It is something young people are in dire need of especially as the world gets more confusing and messy.  It costs nothing to listen nor to share what we know and it can make all the difference in the world.

https://pixabay.com/

(c) Copyright Terri Onorato.  All Rights Reserved.

Mysteries Of An Interior Life

What is an interior life? Our interior life revolves around our spiritual core, what we believe, how we connect to the divine and how we manifest that in our lives. I have possessed a vivid, active interior life my entire life. It has helped me experience things I can’t explain as well as cultivate my instincts, intuition and empathic ability among other things.  More than anything else it has been instrumental in developing and sustaining my relationship with the one who created me. The one who created all.  Some might call this “one” Divine Intelligence, God, Creator or the Universe.  Whatever name we use, it is the Beginning of which we are all a part.

I’ve studied different facets of the metaphysical and spiritual world for decades and never have I seen more interest than in current years.  It’s exciting but it’s also easy to get caught up in too much at once. There is a drawback if we are not careful – a trend that I myself followed for a little while and see many others following as well. It is the dismantling of the mysteries of our interior lives.  In the human quest to understand and control everything, we have let go of that which the ancients knew was so important…not knowing.  Mystery.

What does this mean? Our interior lives are our connection to the Divine, God, the Universe.  These mysteries of life are vital.  We need them in part because without them we would lose our innate tendency to enjoy, play and search for wonder.  Without these there is nothing left to discover and no way to grow.  Ours would become a stagnant existence and when emptiness sets in, and it inevitably will, we might find ourselves looking for something else to fill the void left behind by the destruction of that which kept us intrigued and excited.

I was trying to think of an analogy that would help me make sense of my thoughts. It came to me this morning when in my jewelry box I noticed a little ring I haven’t worn in a long time. It is sterling silver and shaped like a sunflower.  In the middle is a cabochon made of Baltic amber.

Baltic amber formed over 45 million years ago – it is a fossil resin produced by pine trees and other plants which grew in the southern regions of present-day Scandinavia and lands near the Baltic Sea.  Baltic amber can contain any number of organic substances including sand, dirt, water bubbles, pieces of leaves, bark, twigs, plant seeds and insects.  I love Baltic amber not only because it’s beautiful but it has a history that goes back further than I can wrap my head around.   What I love most is that all the little bits inside are a mystery to me.

What if I could solve the mystery of all those little bits and pieces? The first thing I would have to do is destroy the 45 million year old resin that has held these mysterious pieces in place.  The foundation would have to crumble. If I could manage to extract the little pieces and actually identify them then I would have all the answers I needed. But then what? Basically I would have a pile of ancient bits of organic matter in one hand and a pile of empty 45 million year old Baltic amber in the other.  The excitement and intrigue captured within the amber would be gone, replaced with the knowledge I sought but absent of the emotions and excitement its mystery evoked.

As I thought about it I realized something – that inside those tiny little pieces of broken Baltic amber would undoubtedly be many more unidentified organisms that cannot be seen.  They are there but I would not be able to see them.  So just when I thought I had solved the mystery, I discovered there were many more mysteries hidden in the ruins of the amber.  That is the way of spiritual mysteries. They do not show their hand and give away all of their secrets simply because we pick them apart looking for answers.  There are layers upon layers we cannot see.

I believe we can be easily sidetrack trying to find all the answers. We can study every symbol and analyze each experience looking for signs and messages that will give us answers and meaning but in doing so we lose sight of the mystical side of an interior life.  The mystical side is where the magic is.

I’ve read countless books, websites, blogs, listened to YouTube gurus and more and in doing so I found myself getting further away from that which drew me towards a more spiritual life to begin with. I got caught up in the words of the experts and forgot to listen to the sound of my own intuition.  I became convinced that I was doing it all wrong because I didn’t fit into what was being projected in the spiritual media.

I find that the more I try to explain things that I know through instinct and flashes of inspiration, the harder it is to do so.  There are those who don’t want to hear about the knowing that is a product of the unexplained. It seems as if the trend has become to focus more on which life mysteries might be proven and solved than to appreciating them and experiencing the excitement of not knowing.

The mysteries of life, and life beyond, seem to be losing their value in some spiritual circles.  In trying to follow the status quo I began to doubt myself and would find I was being very careful in what I said. I was so concerned with rocking the boat and going against the spiritual norm that I started to implode at my core.  I had lost sight of what brought me to the dance.

Mysteries give us a reason to be excited but they also give us hope. We may not find the answers we seek in this lifetime but we know instinctively we will find them someday and that’s exciting. I rob myself of the anticipation and excitement of meeting these mysteries inwardly when I spend too much time trying to crack the code.

No one way is the right way for everyone.  We all have a unique road set before us and each road contains mysteries to be discovered as well as mysteries meant to remain shrouded until we arrive.

“The mystery of life isn’t a problem to be solved, it’s a reality to experience.”  Frank Herbert

(c) Copyright Terri Onorato.  All Rights Reserved.

Forgive…me

You can’t believe you did it. You knew it wasn’t right but you did it anyway and people got hurt. You’ve tried but you can’t stop beating yourself up. Just when you think you can let it go the memory rears its ugly head and reminds you of your transgression. An error in judgment you made years ago. A mistake from which you are still carrying the heavy burden of guilt.

I hear you. Been there, done that. What stops us from forgiving ourselves for the less-than-savory things we’ve done in the past? Do we feel we are not worthy or perhaps that deserve to suffer? I’m here to tell you friend, this is not the case.

I believe there are other equally important questions we need to ponder. For instance, what good has come from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves? Has this lack of forgiveness toward ourselves made us better people? Has it given our life purpose? Has it been of great benefit in any way?

Most likely the answer to all these questions is the same. No. So what is the alternative? For a lot of us forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing we will ever do. We’re convinced we are the worst of the worst so forgiving would be akin to letting ourselves off the hook. Irresponsible. Selfish.

But we would be wrong. On the contrary, forgiving ourselves would be an act of mercy. A gift of compassion. We’re not going to forget what we did and we’ll do everything we can to never let it happen again.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard for self-forgiveness is this…forget the mistake but remember the lesson. Forgiving isn’t the same as condoning. It doesn’t mean we lack regret or we aren’t sorry. It means we recognize that we have done wrong, we are sorry and have learned what we needed to from it and are moving on. Staying immersed in guilt and continually beating ourselves up robs us of peace.

We aren’t perfect. We are human, flawed and fallible, and we make mistakes. We do stupid crap without thinking. Sometimes we do stupid crap while we ARE thinking but we do it anyway. But if we have done what we can to make amends and taken to heart the lessons learned, why continue to beat ourselves up?

We are not defined by our mistakes. We all have a light inside that connects us to each other and to something greater than we are. Forgiveness, not only of others but of ourselves, makes our light shine brighter and the brighter we shine the lighter the world becomes. Never have we needed this more than now.